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January 25
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I heard three accounts from three completely unrelated sources of suicides in the past 24 hours.

IF YOU ARE EVER DEPRESSED, PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE, OR SEND SOMEONE A MESSAGE. Believe me, I know what it's like to be at that breaking point. At least try to reach out, because as ridiculous as it sounds when you're depressed, people might actually be able to make you feel better and help you through the problem for good. I know I didn't think so. I thought it'd always come back and I was doomed to misery. I'm a glorious success story. I don't want anyone to think they're not loved. YOU ARE LOVED. I LOVE YOU. IF NO ONE ELSE DOES, SCREW THEM. I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS JOURNAL, AND THAT MEANS A LOT.

If anyone tells you your problems are lesser than someone else's and worth brushing off, then fuck them to hell. If people hate on you constantly, then I and other people will do our DARNDEST to counteract the negativity. There are suicide hotlines, and when all else fails, try the ER. That's what I did. Admittedly, neither helped, but I tried. It's the act of trying that eventually helps later, actually. You learn a lot about your state of depression when you do that, whether you get help or not. You learn what works and what doesn't.

Of course, I don't want anyone to suffer. EVER. As counterproductive as this sounds, if that seriously is the only thing that makes you feel better or will be your only source of relief, then I just want you to be rid of the pain. You'll be missed, naturally, but screw anyone else. YOU are going through the depression, not them, and they'll suffer from it later if you do do something, so think of yourself before them. Anyone who tries to tell you to not do it because you'll hurt others is probably well meaning, but no, I know it just makes it worse. It makes you feel like you're even more better off dead because you'd consider something that would hurt people, so that makes you a bad person. Or rather, a worse person than you feel you already are.

I'm sorry. I'm not condoning anything. Just if you're depressed, then really... I understand. I hope this illustrates how much I understand. You can talk to me. Hell, I'll probably cry to you, too, if you'll let me. I once did that with someone who was also suicidal and we ended up feeling better because we learned we weren't alone in our feelings.

FFS. Mental illness REALLY needs to be better studied and recognized. The flu is treated with more concern than someone's depressive thoughts. The kind of mental illnesses that cause suicides or homicides or genocides REALLY need to be studied because it could probably save a ton more lives. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. That actually makes me pretty mad. Just because I don't have signs of swelling in my busted foot doesn't mean it's not excruciating when I'm unmedicated. If your depression is situational, then when I win the lottery, I'll take you away to my private theme park and you can escape. :heart: If it's chemical, then I'll pay for your psych evaluation and try to find you the best medicinal treatment available. :heart: I just have to win the lottery first.

Sorry. Just... three in one day. Ouch. I'm not crying... I'm just allergic to feelings.
  • Mood: Caring
  • Listening to: coldplay - atlas
  • Reading: mockingjay
  • Watching: movies
  • Playing: WoW
  • Eating: a cinnamon roll
  • Drinking: water
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:iconalexraccoonglider:
AlexRaccoonGlider Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You got a very caring heart LuluLuna, if only the world had more kind hearted people like you that can help change the world for those who have depression or fighting it.
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:iconparagons-saga:
Paragons-Saga Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
YES. I am also a ready and willing ear who has been there and understands. My door is always open.
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:iconthejosephanthony:
TheJosephAnthony Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Three in one day...that's incredibly shocking and sad to hear.  :( I'm very sorry to hear that something like this happened...

Life isn't easy, however...I'm here to help people as well, despite how busy and judgmental I may seem.  Suicide is indeed something to take seriously with anyone, no matter how isolated they may seem.  Life is something that isn't worth losing over something that is only going to last a few minutes...at least that's how it is to me when I am leveled.  I am going to share what happened to me throughout my high school & college lives.  It isn't going to be easy to read...but I am thankful everyday that I am here still.

I had to switch out of four high schools when I was younger, in which two of them resulted in home-schooling while the other two were full of such awful people that I felt there was no other option than to just leave.  Okay...now to the serious parts of what I am about to share.  It was in 11th grade (junior year) of high school that my first attempt at suicide happened.  I believe that my meds had something to do with it, but...when I come to think of my actions that year, it was like I was being forced to insanity for that whole year.  There was an altercation that could've resulted into a bloodbath at the time, and yes, I had gotten involved in it.  However, all I did was push this kid so he wasn't 2 centimeters in my face...so he punches me in the face.  At the time...my medicine was very off, so I wanted to teach this kid a lesson at the time (it involved a knife, yes, but I never took it out on him).  However, I decided to tell a teacher I thought I could trust that I had it on me...

Moving on to a month later...my school was looking to expel me in February, which brings up my first attempt on suicide.  I was going to torch myself on fire in the backyard, but my mom was able to stop me.  I had to be admitted to an out patient facility for my mentality at the time, which I did need to happen at the time for therapy.  My issues went away for the time being...

In senior year (12th grade) of my high school life was very polarized.  There were times where it was good, and other times that were quite miserable.  This was when I had to go to a correctional high school, but anyhow...it was May, and I was getting emotional of the students there bullying me from left and right.  I had tried to overdose on prescription medication, but the dose was very mild compared to regular ODs.  thankfully, my parents found me again, and I was admitted to the ER.  I only stayed for the night, and I had healed again, but believe me...that wasn't the worst of it.  I did end up graduating high school, but the next part I am about to tell you will be VERY hard to take in.  I can guarantee that.

It was my first year at a local institute, where I thought it would've worked out for me after the first semester went well.  However...when the second semester started, that was when things were looking extremely strange to me.  I would like to note that there were tons of bullies there, and I was known as their guinea pig in a sense because they would somehow ALWAYS manage to bring me down from left to right.  It was late February (month of Pisces), and I had gotten involved with probably the worst group of people I ever surrounded myself with in my life.  This time...I was extremely depressed, and my family could tell, so...I took over a month's worth of prescription Topamax (a total of approximately 40 pills), and that was when I was admitted to the psychiatric facility overnight.  I knew I needed to stay there, deep down, but my mind was telling me that things would stop after I left.  I was right in the extent that I grew from that experience, but the bullying never stopped.

My last day at the institute was in March...I remember it clear as day.  There was a girl that pulled me to the back room after the whole incident happened, and she started to scream at me for some drama that was extremely mild.  After her 'lecture', I stormed to the guidance room, all anxious, and demanded them to let me use the phone to get the hell out of there.  That dark place...is something I never allowed myself to get to again, and I have grown a lot from those incidents.

Anyhow...the moral of my story is that life is always going to throw some sort of monkey wrench at you, but it's up to you on how you deal with it.  I am open to helping anybody and everybody with their issues...and I would NEVER go and verbally torch someone over their personal issues, no matter how bad they are at the moment.  Please, if anybody needs help...do not hesitate to message me.  I'd hate to see more people cause themselves death now that the community is more aware of it.

Thank you to those who read~!
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:iconantwon91:
antwon91 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
I've saved someone from suicide before. It's nerve wracking, and I would never want to be in that situation again. I will if I have to though because saving a life, especially someone who you love, is so worth the day or two of tense nerves.
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:iconthegaijinman:
TheGaijinMan Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014
You're a very thoughtful person, Luna.
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:iconyamoshi:
Yamoshi Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Oh wow, that's so sad to hear. :( 

I feel so alone and alienated sometimes, it hurts, but at least there's others who understand. I often purposely isolate myself from everyone. This can go on for a really long time. Then, I suddenly become a bit more outgoing again but it doesn't last long. I'm trapped in in a bubble in my own little world. Maybe I'm just socially awkward, or its anxiety, depression, or something else. I just don't know any more. My guess is anxiety and depression, but lately I've noticed I have some OCD symptoms too. So, wtf?

What the hell is wrong with my brain, anyone want to trade? :|
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:iconretrogamer85:
RetroGamer85 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2014
 This is too amazing for words. I second every single word in this journal. I suffered from depression, practically daily, all the way up to high school. Ranging from simple sadness, to "zombie", to maniacal, and several rather childish attempts at suicide. Depression sucks, indeed. And even though it's difficult, from a logical standpoint, to ask people on the Internet for help, the reaction is surprising. 
 
 I've got a friend on here, who'll rant about life through her journals, and everyone (save for a few idiots) pours out their support. It's extremely sad when someone suffering from depression commits suicide. I hate that more work, research, and funds go into physical ailments like the flu and blindness, while there's people dying from mental issues like depression and Alzheimers. I'll be more than happy to join you in saying "if you need help, send me a message!". No one needs to suffer alone, that's the benefit of the Internet. There's always someone who'll love you, who'll offer support when no one else will.

 I hope you do win the lottery, Luna. Build the Anti-Depression Park, and free everyone who suffers from depression! 
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:iconretrogamer85:
RetroGamer85 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2014
Oh, and let me clarify. "Childish attempts at suicide" means stabbing myself with pencils and trying to cut my wrists with plastic knives in the middle of school, trying to suffocate myself with plastic bags, etc. I don't mean it as suicide from depression is childish, I meant that it was childish ways to attempt suicide. Just wanted to clear that up. Suicide is nothing to joke about, not at all.
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