I heard three accounts from three completely unrelated sources of suicides in the past 24 hours.
IF YOU ARE EVER DEPRESSED, PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE, OR SEND SOMEONE A MESSAGE. Believe me, I know what it's like to be at that breaking point. At least try to reach out, because as ridiculous as it sounds when you're depressed, people might actually be able to make you feel better and help you through the problem for good. I know I didn't think so. I thought it'd always come back and I was doomed to misery. I'm a glorious success story. I don't want anyone to think they're not loved. YOU ARE LOVED. I LOVE YOU. IF NO ONE ELSE DOES, SCREW THEM. I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS JOURNAL, AND THAT MEANS A LOT.
If anyone tells you your problems are lesser than someone else's and worth brushing off, then fuck them to hell. If people hate on you constantly, then I and other people will do our DARNDEST to counteract the negativity. There are suicide hotlines, and when all else fails, try the ER. That's what I did. Admittedly, neither helped, but I tried. It's the act of trying that eventually helps later, actually. You learn a lot about your state of depression when you do that, whether you get help or not. You learn what works and what doesn't.
Of course, I don't want anyone to suffer. EVER. As counterproductive as this sounds, if that seriously is the only thing that makes you feel better or will be your only source of relief, then I just want you to be rid of the pain. You'll be missed, naturally, but screw anyone else. YOU are going through the depression, not them, and they'll suffer from it later if you do do something, so think of yourself before them. Anyone who tries to tell you to not do it because you'll hurt others is probably well meaning, but no, I know it just makes it worse. It makes you feel like you're even more better off dead because you'd consider something that would hurt people, so that makes you a bad person. Or rather, a worse person than you feel you already are.
I'm sorry. I'm not condoning anything. Just if you're depressed, then really... I understand. I hope this illustrates how much I understand. You can talk to me. Hell, I'll probably cry to you, too, if you'll let me. I once did that with someone who was also suicidal and we ended up feeling better because we learned we weren't alone in our feelings.
FFS. Mental illness REALLY needs to be better studied and recognized. The flu is treated with more concern than someone's depressive thoughts. The kind of mental illnesses that cause suicides or homicides or genocides REALLY need to be studied because it could probably save a ton more lives. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. That actually makes me pretty mad. Just because I don't have signs of swelling in my busted foot doesn't mean it's not excruciating when I'm unmedicated. If your depression is situational, then when I win the lottery, I'll take you away to my private theme park and you can escape.
If it's chemical, then I'll pay for your psych evaluation and try to find you the best medicinal treatment available.
I just have to win the lottery first.
Sorry. Just... three in one day. Ouch. I'm not crying... I'm just allergic to feelings.